DIPSHIT

WELL SOME FOLKS CALLED ME DIPSHIT, I WAS A DAMNED DISGRACE
BUT WHEN YOU HEAR THIS SONG YOU'LL SEE I PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I YIPPEE-O'D ACROSS THE CHISOLM TRAIL
I DROVE THOSE DOGGIES HARD AND FAST THROUGH SNOW AND SLEET AND HAIL
IN TIME I MET A LASSIE SWEET IN A GINGHAM GOWN
THE KIND THAT LEADS YOU ON AND LEAVES YOU FEELING LIKE A CLOWN
SHE DRANK MY BEER AND CALLED ME A QUEER SAID I LACKED ANY MORALE
MY GUN WOULDN'T SHOOT SO SHE STOLE MY BOOTS AT THE LONESOME DOVE CORRAL

YOU KNOW SHE CALLED ME DIPSHIT, I WEREN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL
I MADE SOME BAD DECISIONS I WAS SOMEWHAT OF A FOOL

I SOON DISCOVERED WHISKEY THEN I SPENT SOME TIME IN JAIL
IT'S HARD TO REALLY FUNCTION WHEN YOUR HEAD'S INSIDE A PAIL
IN TIME I MET A GAMBLER NAMED RAMBLIN BURTON CRUD
HE TRICKED ME INTO PLAYIN' A GAME OF FIVE CARD STUD
I WAS A BOOZER AND A LOSER AND LACKING IN MORALE
I BET WITH BURT AND I LOST MY SHIRT AT THE LONESOME DOVE CORRAL

YOU KNOW HE CALLED ME DIPSHIT, I WEREN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL
I MADE A BAD DECISION I WAS SOMEWHAT OF A FOOL

SO I QUIT BOOZE AND WOMEN TO DELIVER PEOPLE'S MAIL
AND AFTER YEARS OF EXERCISE I'M ANYTHING BUT FRAIL
IN TIME I MET THAT LASSIE WITH THAT GAMBLER SHE WED
THEY LOOKED LIKE DEATH WORN OVER AND THEIR EYES WERE BLOODSHOT RED
NOW THAT GRIFTER AND THAT DRIFTER ARE LACKING IN MORALE
AND NOW I OWN A GEORGEOUS HOME BY THE LONESOME DOVE CORRAL

NOW ALL THOSE FOLKS ARE DIPSHITS I'LL SAY IT WITH A DRAWL
IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR HEALTH YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AT ALL

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